Employment Exasperation II

I had to buy some new pants for my interview today because I'm such an unemployed fatso that I've been doing nothing but sitting around the house and eating and none of my nice pants fit anymore. While I was in town, I stopped by JCPenney to ask if they were hiring. I couldn't believe myself. When I left those doors three plus years ago, I vowed never to enter them again. And there I was, doughy and desperate, wondering if there were any openings for me should I find myself unable to find any other job and should the gun suddenly jam when in my mouth. And unfortunately they weren't hiring. My goof proof backup plan was now kaput. Incredibly scary. My former manager said I could swing by in October and come on board for holiday help. Eeh. Yeah, I'm really hoping I'll have something before then and even after the holidays are over, they might not need me. So I'd end up right back to where I started: unemployed and fat. This is definitely not where I was seeing myself going after graduating.

The more I thought about it, the more the whole out of left field interview seemed. Who was this lady and where did she get my resume and what the heck was the job position she gave me? So many unanswered questions but I felt I was locked in. I had already spoken to her twice over the telephone, both times totally faking my way through the conversation, acting like I knew what she was talking about. I couldn't call her a third time and ask her to once again explain everything to me. What if it was a good opportunity? What if the job would be potentially phenomenal? I'd ruin any chance at it by shining my idiocy her way. Yeah, I was just gonna have to fake it to make it and at some point during the interview, I'd have to chime in with an "Oh, by the way, why the heck am I here again?"

In actuality, I was dreading the entire thing. But, I kept thinking that at least it would be good interview practice. And who knows, maybe she'd give me the job details and I'd be into it. With very few companies responding to my resumes and the now defunct retail escape plan, I was in no position to be shrugging off this totally random job offer.

This morning rolls around and the lady calls me. She said her daughter was going into labor and she was going to be with her and couldn't do the interview today (freaking yes!!) but that I could come in and fill out an application and take a CD that would provide all the baiscs of the job. Sounded good to me. Actually, it worked out really nicely because I wouldn't have to worry about the embarrassment of being interviewed for a mystery job that I knew nothing about and this was the chance to find out what the heck it was before I got too deep into it.
I get there and a young woman in a flowered dress with herpes lip was sitting at a table talking on her cell phone. When she saw me she quickly said, "I'ma have to call you back," and then hung up. I introduced myself and she told me to take an application and then asked if I could be back Monday at one. I took the opportunity to ask her what exactly the job was and what it entailed. Turns out it's door to door insurance sales. Definitely not what I was looking for. In fact, I kind of hesitated when she said that and I mentioned that I hadn't really applied for that and Herpes Lip told me that the lady had probably gotten my resume from the internet and pursued me instead of me pursuing the job and thought I might make a good candidate.

That's weird because:
1) If she found me, she probably should have mentioned that fact instead of just saying, "Hey, would you look to come in for an interview for a job you've never heard of with a company you didn't apply for?" (And in her defense and as I've already stated, I probably should have been more inquisitive as well)
2) My resume was tailored to clerical/office work. I never mentioned anything about sales so I don't know why she thought I'd be a good hire.

I even asked Herpes Lip if there was any chance at office work and she shook her head and said that there wasn't. She said there was only one secretary, her, and she wasn't planning on quitting for a long time. Well, okay then. I went ahead and told her the job wasn't for me and that I wouldn't be coming back in on Monday for that interview. I then excused myself from the room.

Yeah, I pretty much knew that wasn't going to work out but, hey, it was an experience so whatever.

But it's not over.

I got a letter from a company that I did apply for this morning asking me to come in next Tuesday and take an aptitude test. I was kind of surprised because I applied for that job several weeks ago so I had assumed they had hired someone else. But, here I am, scheduled for an aptitude test. And now I'm getting nervous again because I have no idea what the test will entail so I don't know how to prepare. I'm scared there will be a lot of math, my greatest downfall. Once again, I'm going to try not to get my hopes up because I might bomb the test and even if I pass that, the last step is surviving the structured interview. It's almost annoying the hoops and hurdles I have and am going to have to endure to get that job. I had to take a speed typing test first and then fill out a six page application. Next, I have this test and then after that, I've got the interview. Sheesh. But, it is a good job so I guess they gotta weed out people so they can hire the best of the best. The only problem is, I'm not the best of the best. I'm mediocre at best. And so it continues...