Lord of Loneliness

Written February 14, 2008.

labyrinth
don’t give me your words of weary
you’ll never sense the separation
i suffer through every single day

don’t bemoan the cons of loneliness
you only feel misery in short bursts
yet my evisceration is everlasting
stretching across an expanse of entropy

you only suffer in seconds
while my regret is relentless
for I’ve never felt the flesh of another
and spent my days consoling myself
in a cloak constructed of cold
wandering in circles rejected and dejected

lost in this labyrinth of loneliness
lumbering around a misanthropic maze

the further I move around this network
the more I become lost and listless
the further I find myself away from the warmth
the human happiness i’ve heard so much about
and the lips that i’ve loved and cherished
only in my mind




laboratory
my heart should be studied
to test the limits of separation
how long till it bursts
from the swell of sadness?
how long till it shrivels
from the lack of love?

what a strange specimen
I have realized I have become
living without human contact
like some ungodly mutation
a cancer formed from the fermentation
of my heart for it never beat for anyone

lying in this laboratory
loveletting with a hypodermic needle
and transferring my torture to test tubes

cut open my pale chest
and crack these withered ribs
they break easily under your touch
because they’ve never felt the need
to protect the atrophy they encased

no need for an intravenous indication
that my nerves have numbed
they have been rotting with regret
from all the reams of rejection
long before I was brought to this bed

so carve out this cardiac organ
and stick it in a dirty jar
I never had much use for it
but perhaps it will serve you better



ligaments
is it my legs that disturb you?
the way they fold under the pressure
my hearts places upon them
in hopes of harboring a lover
but my brain attacks the heart
as I tear at my tendons to torture myself

is it my arms that disgust you?
so vast in their emptiness
the way they’re too thin
to support the weight of weary
because you’d never love
the me I keep to myself

does my torso repulse you?
the way the padding prevents you
from getting too close
and how it shields the shyness
that prevents me from forming friendships

is it my power that scares you?
how vastly disconnected I am
from all who enter my world
how I have the capability
to carve out all capacity to care

loneliness has made me its lord
for it has known my face longer than any other
I reign over this citadel of separation
I make strife my subjects
and dole out depression
to those who deny me

is it my shell that shocks you?
how i’m an empty-eyed zombie
for I’ve eaten my own flesh
to nurture my need to be nourished
I’ve hollowed out my head and my heart
and now there’s nothing left
but a vessel and a visage for the vermin

you may be filled with fear over my fate
but i am so beautifully hollow