We had a poor excuse for a costume contest on the Friday and Saturday before Halloween. I really enjoy dressing up for Halloween but once I stopped trick or treating and had no more Halloween parties to attend, there seemed no point in dressing up, especially when I'd just end up sitting in my room plowing through Doritos while watching a Night of the Demons marathon. So, I thought the contest would be a good opportunity to find an awesome costume and impress and amuse the masses. Well, the store manager didn't even announce the contest until Tuesday, leaving very little time to find anything decent. So, I pretty much bought some clothes from the store and rigged myself up a lumberjack costume. I even went out and bought some mud-stomping boots with no intention of wearing them outside of that occasion. I also stopped shaving for that macho look. Unfortunately, I couldn't find an axe but I thought I had done pretty well with the limited time and resources.
So, imagine my lack of surprise when I go into work Friday morning in my flannel shirt, suspenders, cuffed jeans and chunky lesbian boots just to see that I was the only one dressed up. It was a lot like showing up to class naked or...going into work dressed as a friggin' lumberjack. I was out of place and I don't like that feeling. I'm a blender. Blend into crowds, blend into my surroundings. Imagine everyone else in dress pants and floral tops while I'm harvesting trees in the men's department. I was pretty ticked. As you know, I'm self-conscious as it is and all I could think about was how all the customers were going to think I was weird. I could just imagine an old woman turning to her friend and asking, "What is Paul Bunyan doing working here?" So, I stripped off my suspenders and took off my boots and switched them with an extra pair of regular work shoes I had stashed away in my car just in case the boots uncomfortable. While I looked slightly less lumberjack-like, I still looked completely ridiculous.
I should have known this would happen. I had a sneaking suspicion I'd be alone in my garish garb when everyone I asked about dressing up said they weren't going to.
"Eh, I have a few ideas I'm throwing around." (I don't have anything nor do I plan on having anything)
"Probably not, I don't have time to get anything." (I'm too lazy to throw something together)
"You know, I just don't feel like it." (I'm a boring whore)
Where's the Halloween spirit? Where's the fun of dressing up and being silly and becoming someone or something else? And people think I'm a grumpy old man. At least I tried.
Although I did hear one girl would be dressing up. So, I figured as long as I wasn't the only one, I'd be good. Well, she didn't. So I went to all that trouble for nothing. I didn't even win the contest! Oh well, I think I looked pretty snazzy, although I wasted quite a bit of money. I went home after work and stayed in my outfit for the rest of the night because I didn't want it to go to waste. I thought I'd try to squeeze as much use out of it as possible. So, all in all, Halloween was another epic failure, if you don't include the awesomeness that was The Walking Dead premiere. I watched it the first time plus the two encore presentations.
Hi, I chop trees.
I also lay pipe.
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