I've had problems with my skin ever since I was around twelve. I know this isn't anything new or shocking as most people go through a pockmarked pubescence to some degree or another, but the bad skin wasn't just a side effect of physical maturation. It lingered. It was trapped in my clogged pores, presenting itself in clusters of pimples, blackheads and under the skin bumps.
Because of my pimplesplosions, I had to take a crash course in skincare. I have tried almost every single product you can find at the drugstore and none of them have provided very good results. Some even made my skin worse (thank you Neutrogena Acne Wash). On top of the pimples, my skin was dry, irritated and flaky around my mouth while my forehead remained an oil slick. I naively went in trusting that these products would clear up my skin as they claimed they would. When it got worse, I realized something was amiss. So, I tried to go the more natural route. I tried those home remedies as well, including salt scrubs and egg white facials. I've put more lemon on my face than you can shake a tart 'n tangy stick at. While tasty, the results were less than satisfying. I went online and researched acne and how you should take care of oily skin. Some said alcohol would dry it up. Some said alcohol would make it worse. Some say you should moisturize oily skin. Some say you should not. I even researched ingredients and realized a lot of ingredients in drugstore products are cheap and they suck.
And yes, I've even tried Proactiv. Thrice. I honestly can't remember the first time I used it. I just know I returned it. I don't think it made my acne worse but I don't think it really helped, either. It was just kind of...there. I also tried Murad and that stuff didn't work, either. Even if it did, I remember one of the products in the line smelling horrid and I thought I wouldn't be able to use it even if it did clear up my skin. I finally had to resort to Accutane to get my acne under control. Those were the best months of my life, skin-wise. Not only did my acne completely clear up, it got rid of my blackheads and banished all facial shine. My skin was finally perfect.
Then, the Accutane messed up my liver and I had to stop taking it before I finished up my round of treatment. Screw my liver, my skin was glowing. But, I suppose doctors have to care about that kind of stuff so they took me off it. Several months later, my skin still looked good. But, the oil eventually returned and then the blackheads and then the pimples. I always wonder if I would have finished my treatment if I could have permanently rid myself of the blemishes. There are days I would kill to get a hold of those controversially effective pills, liver be darned.
Of course, the acne wasn't as severe as it was pre-Accutane. Just a pimple here or there or even a small cluster of zits. Nothing too terribly serious but it was enough to bother me. At one time, my skin had been so horrible and then it cleared up so beautifully and I just hated to see it go back to it's former grossness. Because of that, I developed a slight obsession with getting my complexion creamy again. Those brainwashing Proactiv commercials were really playing on my insecurities and I caved and ordered it a second time. I thought, "Hey, maybe it didn't help because my skin was so severe but now that it's mostly under control, this stuff will take care of the occasional bump."
It didn't. I returned it again. So, I started anew and went back to the drugstore. And back to researching.
It's all hugely annoying, really. You try to do find products with good ingredients only to run into claims from one company that says a certain ingredient is amazing for the skin while another says it is horrible, such as mineral oil, petroleum, menthol and parabens. Of course, one company could just be saying someone else's products are horrible just so you'll buy their stuff. For the longest time, I tried to avoid products that contained ingredients that were thought to be harmful in some way. Let me tell you, almost every product contained one or more of those harmful ingredients. That left my selection extremely limited. Eventually, I got over most of those claims after I decided that certain ingredients probably weren't as bad as once claimed. I guess you just have to really do your research and find out what you feel comfortable putting on your face.
So, when the drugstore stuff wasn't cutting it, I ventured into high-end skincare, spending exorbitant amounts of money on what ended up being the same crappy ingredients in prettier packaging. I spent way too much time and money figuring out that high-end products either are just as bland as the stuff you can pick up at the supermarket or my skin really does suck and nothing, no matter how expensive or well formulated, will work for me. I had to wonder, where did that leave me? Here I am spending a student loan payment on grooming products when I could splash my face with some soap and water and come out with the same results. It was stressful, which is funny because stress is correlated to breakouts. I'm worrying about how to fix my skin and the worrying is just making matters worse.
It seemed no matter what I used, added, omitted or changed, nothing ever made too much of a difference. Over the years, it seemed like my skin started to clear on its own. Those small clusters of pimples turned into one or two. But those one or two were still extremely annoying. By no means do I have terrible skin, at least not in the eyes of others. The annoying part is when one zit clears up, another takes it's place somewhere else on my face. So, while I'm not a pizza face, I am usually sporting some kind of pimple or another at all times. I'm sure a lot of people can deal with that. I can't. So, I continue to search for that one magical ingredient/product/combination of products that will give me that healthy glow I used to possess post-liver damaging medication.
And because of my rabid search for clear skin, I once again caved and bought Proactiv...for a third time. It's crazy because I know the stuff isn't the miracle it's made itself out to be. I used it twice with bland results and yet, those commercials are so captivating and positive and it really does make you believe that stuff will make your skin supermodel clear. It's sad how they take advantage of people's low self-esteem and desperation. I suppose every time I succumb to those annoyingly persistent commercials, I think to myself, "Well, it sounds good on paper. Decent ingredients and it's actually cheaper than what I'm using now, so let's give it another shot." And I did. And I still don't like it. I don't hate it. Let me say that it's not terrible. But, the first time I used it my skin felt like it was on fire. That is pretty bad considering I'm all about putting acid on my face (salicylic and glycolic being my favorites), so my skin should be pretty resistant to powerful ingredients. Not this stuff. First of all, the scrub in the cleanser is way too rough. It's supposed to be beads but it feels more like tree bark and chipped up razors. I can't imagine anyone with bad acne getting any benefit from such a harsh scrub. If anything, it would probably aggravate any blemishes on the skin. The toner and lotion aren't that bad, though. It is drying, however. Like, really drying. You have to slowly work your way into that three-step routine.
After two weeks, I realized I wasn't feeling the stuff. If I can be honest, I really just wanted to try it again just to remember how it smelled and felt on my skin. I suppose I was having product nostalgia. One of the big things I have about products is how they smell and how they feel on my skin. Another reason I don't care for drugstore products is because they smell so strongly. They might not always smell bad but when you use a facial cleanser that you have on your face for approximately thirty seconds and then you end up smelling it on yourself at the end of the day, that's a problem. That's why I prefer fragrance-free products, which are extremely rare at the drugstore.
Through years of trial and error, I found a group of products that I feel mostly good about. They range from high-end to super cheap. I've tried to put away the notion that expensive means better or that I have to use one single brand of products. I found out the hard way that no one line of products are perfect. No matter brand you use, there's usually a clunker or two to be found. I've realized that I will probably always have problem skin and the best thing I can do is just take care of it using products that I really believe in, stuff that I feel won't exacerbate acne and might actually reverse past pimple damage.
But, I'm now facing a new problem: wrinkles. Despite my age and the fact that I have oily skin (they say oilier folks wrinkle slower and less than dry people) and the fact that I'm never out in the sun, I'm starting to notice crow's feet and laugh lines. Just my luck. Once I control one skin problem, another pops up. I suppose I'm destined to look haggard. But, that doesn't mean I won't fight it
I'm going to start saving up for Botox now.
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