job prospect paralysis

I was at work like usual when a guy came over to exchange a shirt.  He has come in several times before and I knew his face but not his name.  He always seemed pretty nice but we never engaged in conversation.  Yet as I was ringing up the transaction, he started talking to me.

"Do you work full time?" he asked.

"No," I replied.

"Are you a student?"

"Nope," I replied.

"Oh, okay.  Well, I work for the cell phone company across the street and you're always so good with me and customer service oriented and we're hiring right now if you might be interested in applying."

This kind of caught me off guard and I wasn't sure how to react.  So, I told him I'd come in and pick up an application.  He left and left me with a lot of swirling questions in my mind.

I had actually researched the company in the past and I hadn't heard great things.  But, I hate my current job and really wanted to get out.  I had put in applications at other places and hadn't heard anything.  Nothing was panning out and this guy just randomly walks in and asks me if I'd want to work there.  There was a part of me that wondered, "Was that some sort of sign?"  Stuff like that just doesn't happen often.  And jobs just are not easy to get around here.  There's no where to work and the places that are decent aren't hiring because everyone is hanging on to those decent jobs.

But, then I remembered I can't for the afterlife of me differentiate between intended and incidental.

I got off work and walked into the store and the guy was there with an application for me.  He even introduced me to his manager.  She shook my hand and asked if I'd like to come in the next day for an interview.  Whoa.  Everything was going so fast.  I kind of stumbled and then agreed.

From the time the guy asked me about joining him up to the interview, my stomach was in knots.  I had heartburn the entire day because I was so worried about it.  I wasn't too concerned with doing well during the interview but accepting a job offer if it was given to me.  What should I do?  Everything was happening faster than I could process.  I had resigned myself to the fact that I would probably still be at the retail store for a long time and if and when I did leave, it would be on my own terms.  Plus, I had hoped my next job would be free of the public.  This wasn't free of the public.  But, there was a hope of something better.  Because I had so many questions, and reservations, about what was going on, I thought I might feel better about what I wanted to do after the interview.

As I was waiting to be interviewed, the guy who offered me a chance at the job came up to me and said, "She told me a lot of the interviewees were pretty low energy so try to pep it up, okay?"  I thought that was pretty nice that he had told me that.  I wondered if he was rooting for me specifically.

The interview went so well.  I wouldn't have went back and changed a thing.  I was charming, personable, made the lady laugh.  We talked about the job, cell phones and computers, Apple vs. Droid, and even a bit of personal stuff.  It lasted over two hours.  I felt my chances were pretty good once I left but I still wasn't sure what I wanted to do.  I didn't necessarily feel worse about it but I didn't feel better.  I had hoped the interview would be the decision maker but I still felt just as hazy as ever.

My main concern is having to meet and exceed quotas.  You get a commission, which is nice if you sell enough devices, new lines and accessories but if you miss the quota, you're given a warning, written up if you miss again and then fired if you miss a third time.  So, when things are good, they are really good.  When they are bad, you're canned.  I wasn't sure I'd be able to handle that.  They tried to make me feel better by saying no one hadn't made their goals and they helped each other out if anyone got behind but that's all good for them but I'm not a salesman.  I don't like trying to get people to do or buy something they don't want to, even if I'm not being pushy, only persuasive.  I still don't like it.  Plus, I just don't want to deal with people.

One of the other iffy things she said was that I'd have to follow up with customers to see if they were satisfied with their phones and plans.  I don't really want to invest that kind of time or energy into some stranger who I could care less about.  I guess that's the point, though, to turn those strangers into clients who come back and come to me when they need to spend more money.  Eh, I just don't care, though.

But what really freaks me out is the quotas.  I have quotas at my current job but management is pretty relaxed about people meeting them.  It's encouraged but not enforced so it's not really stressful.  I just feel like, with my messed up mind and the way I worry about so many things, big and small, that I would constantly be stressed out trying to meet the quotas.  I'm already a stressed out guy in general and my current job makes it worse but at least my job isn't in jeopardy.  I have job security where I am now, even thought I hate it.  They'll have me as long as I want to be there.  So, why would I want to throw that away for a job that I might fail at miserably?  For a (possibly) better work environment?  For better pay?  For commission?  Is it worth it?

I just don't know.

If I were a normal person with any kind of confidence, I'm sure I wouldn't hesitate to take the job.  It's way more money, which is important.  But, what really matters?  Money or madness?  I just hate that my insecurities have crippled my life and my decisions.  And because I tend to make the wrong decisions, I'm sure whatever I decide will be completely wrong.

Who knows, I might not even get it.  I still have to go through a second interview.  I almost think it would be easier if I didn't get it.  At least I wouldn't have to make that agonizing decision on whether I should take the job or not.  The decision would be made for me.