book notes #1

So far, I've written 6,8714 words and approximately 149 pages for my book.  Christmas kind of slowed me down and then I got out of the habit of writing daily.  I could be finished with the first draft by now if I never would have stopped.  Now, I'm finding it slightly difficult to get back into the mood of the story.  I'm also at a point where I don't know how to continue.  I had an original outline but things have changed slightly and now I'm not sure if continuing in the intended path will make any sense.  Frankly, I haven't given myself the time or energy to come up with a different direction.

So, I have to wonder, when you plan on writing something, how much should you stick to the plan and how much should you allow the story to tell itself?

I've always been a pretty big fan of natural, organically flowing material.  I've never been big into planning, whether it was with drawing, animating or writing.  Sure, I'll have a general outline of what I want to happen.  I think some structure is important, otherwise you'll run the risk of running way too long and getting off track of the intended message.  But, too much structure seems to stifle creativity and could possibly interrupt a certain flow as well.

I think the thing that drives me crazy is the unlimited possibilities that present themselves when creating something.  You can go anywhere, do anything.  While these endless possibilities are wonderful, they are also stressful because when you finally choose your path, you have to wonder if there was a better road out there.  Are you choosing the best possible scenario?  How will you ever know?  Art is an intricate maze of possibility.  There are trillions of ways to get out but which one will be the most gratifying?

As I write this story, there are several possibilities that are starting to sprout up.  I had originally intended the story to be about a guy who believes he is turning into a zombie.  I wanted to share the perspectives from the guy and his girlfriend.  Yet, as I wrote, I realized I was more inside the girl's head than the guy's.  It's actually turning more into her story than it is his and I don't know if that's good or bad.

I think there must be some reason why my head decided to dictate the story the way it did.  If this is my creativity taking over, should I be so quick to negate it by trying to sway myself back to my original plan?  Sometimes plans are good until you are knee deep into the situation you had so carefully planned out.  You're out in the trenches and you realize your plan no longer applies to your predicament.

The most appropriate solution is compromise.  I suppose I should put a loose leash on my outline.  I guess I'll try to follow the basic elements while allowing the story to tell itself.  I don't want it to feel manufactured.  I want it to flow.  I want the characters motivations and actions to be based on their experiences, conversations, feelings rather than just to get from point A to point B.

And the more I write, the more I'm having ideas, ideas that differ from the original plan.  Sure, that's a good thing.  There's no reason to stick to a plan if you come up with a better one but it also complicates things, causes things to have to be changed around.  Makes things messy.  Things are messy enough on their own.  And being such an amateur, these changes are scary.  My outline was safe and I felt good writing within the lines of what I knew I wanted to happen.  Exploring these new ideas, however, leave some situations open and unpredictable.

I guess I'm just scared.  Maybe this book has a lot of potential, some decent ideas, but if I don't execute it right, I'll fail and no one will ever believe I can write anything good again.  And I'll always wonder, "Well, if I would have done things differently, had the characters do one thing instead of the other, it might have made all the difference."  It's very complicated to try to unfold a story, especially when it doesn't come out how you intended, especially when you feel you've lost control of your own creation.  Then again, too much control is constricting.

All I can do is treat this first book as a learning experience.  Just get it done, make mistakes, learn from them and write another one and hope I can do better.