book notes #10

After yet another break (I don't even know why I keep stopping), I've picked up editing my book again.  I'm also more than halfway through so that's pretty exciting.

Although I get disappointed with myself because of all this stopping and starting, the good thing is when I take an extended break, I come back and feel refreshed, like I'm looking at my book with renewed vigor.  I also tend to be a bit more brutal with my red pen, which is excellent because I have to cut at least 80 pages, which will still make the book too long, but at least it'll reduce it to an annoying length rather than a totally unreadable one.

I've also finally decided to keep the book mostly about the college experience and less on my life as a whole.  That will help me cut out some of the length as well.  I realized I could shed more light on my life through subsequent books instead of trying to cram it all into one.

Yet, I'm also annoyed because when I pick the book up again after a long absence, I feel more and more separated from the story.  I originally decided to write the book in hopes it would be a therapeutic experience but over the years, I feel I've worked out most of the issues I explore in the book.  I thought writing it would help me work through things and it has but I suppose not as much as I had hoped.  Plus, because I have mostly accepted the events and resulting ramifications, I don't feel as much of a push to finish.

I probably will finish but I'm just not on fire for the project like I used to be.  I'm not exactly sure why.  As I mentioned, I suspect it has a lot to do with the fact that it's not as healing as I hoped it would be.  And as I edit, I see it's whiny and repetitive.  Cutting out the repetition will also help shorten the book but how can I fix the whine?  That'll be harder to do.  I have a penchant for not finishing anything so I really need to see this one through.  Even if it is a complete disaster.

As much time as I've spent writing about writing the book, I probably could have just finished the thing already.