idol disappointment

"What if the kings that we put on their thrones
aren't really kings at all?
And what if they should fall?"
-Showbread, Two-Headed Monster

I think most people look to others for guidance.  It's a big, scary world out there and we are often left to our own devices when navigating the planet.  We seek out others who have done it before us and who have done it better.  We are looking for a compass in the company we keep.

For some reason, a lot of people look up to celebrities.  I suppose it's because they have money and influence and have seen more of the world and its offerings than we ever will.  The sad part is when the very celebrities we look up to are caught smoking crack in their car before ramming into a group of disabled children.  We build these people up in our minds but what are we really building up?  Aren't they just projecting images?  When we see them in the movies and television, we aren't seeing them.  We are seeing the characters they play.  And forget celebrity magazines, even those with celebrity-friendly content.  Sometimes those articles and interviews are just as manufactured as the movies the stars are promoting.

We often forget that these people are actors.  They might seem sweet and genuine but we only get a glimpse of their real lives.  We forget that at the end of the day, they are still human with emotional problems and worries and mishaps.  Money and fame do not erase turmoil.  And when we happen to catch that turmoil on film, we are disappointed.  How could someone so seemingly together fall so hard?

They never said they were perfect people.  Or even good.  They present an image to the world that is often inflated, grander, cleaner than who they actually are.

Fortunately, I've never been caught up in the celebrity trap.  Sure, I've had my crushes but I've  never been infatuated.  I do, however, look up to non-celebrities, people in my actual realm of existence, people I know personally.

That can be just as damaging.

I should clarify that I don't always know these people extremely well or have a close relationship with them.  We interact, talk, communicate.  We share ideas and philosophies but not favorite television shows or recipes.  I don't know who they are as people in regards to every day behavior and interaction.  But I tend to gravitate toward creative, talented people.  And it's that talent that, in my mind, elevates them to someone I could admire, look up to, model my life after in hopes of being that creative or gathering that kind of talent.

And sometimes I leave it at that.  Other times, I slowly get to know them on a more personal basis and realize, despite their talent, they are kind of an ass.  Or a flake.  Even sometimes fraudulent.

It's disappointing, surely, to realize someone with great talent doesn't always have great manners.  It's probably a lot like seeing the shocking surveillance footage of your favorite celebrity cheating on their spouse with someone in a Costco parking lot.

But the ones who disappoint me are human and never said they were perfect and don't deserve to be judged so harshly.  I see their art, their product, but not their person.  I shouldn't let it get me down as much as I do but I'm still lost, still wandering and wondering when I'll find someone I can look up to, someone who can help guide me through this messed up world.

I know some might say that I should be my own guide and I agree but everyone could use some pointers every now and then, right?  No one gets it right every time.  And we learn from our mistakes but we can also circumvent some sticky situations by learning from other people's mistakes.

You just never really know someone, especially through their art because their art is an extension of themselves, skewed because it comes from what they know, not necessarily what is true.  I try to remember that any time I find myself wanting to escalate someone into a higher echelon of influence.

You should remember that about me as well.