Written July 2007.
What allows people to declare they are a writer? Does one have to be good or simply have a passion for writing? Is the word "writer" used too loosely today or can the word be applicable to anyone who enjoys the craft? I suppose it all has to do with what people's definition of writer is. Could a writer be someone who simply keeps a journal or diary of their daily activities or does writer have to be someone who goes beyond simply chronicling their lives? Does it have to involve imagination and fictional storytelling? Does it have to involve poetry? Does it have to be a profession for someone to say they are a writer, or can it be a hobby?
I guess what immediately comes to mind when I hear someone say they are a writer is "Oh, they must be good." And that's when I have a hard time calling myself a writer. I almost feel like I'm being pretentious or giving people an impression of a skill that I'm not entirely sure I possess. Heck, I don't even like calling myself an artist and I even know that I'm somewhat talented in drawing and painting. It seems there's just some sort of block against me saying anything good about myself or even giving myself a bit of credit. I suppose it just seems weird for me to call myself an artist or a writer when there are people out there who are so much better than I am. Compared to those people, I feel I don't have the right to call myself these things. What have I contributed to the world of art to be privileged enough to place myself among them? Frankly, nothing! I mean, the things I've thought about or contemplated or written isn't anything a million other true writers haven't already covered and covered better than I have. I haven't written anything new or innovative.
And I suppose the reason why I'm even thinking about it is because I have really discovered over the past year or so that I truly enjoy writing. It has become a part of who I am. I identify with writing. I love the process. I love the feeling I get when I put something down and then read back over it and I can feel proud of what I did. I can also recognize when I'm not very good but at times it doesn't matter 'cause I never said I was a professional. I'm an amateur at best. Writing is actually something I stumbled upon by accident. I've never even considered writing to be a big deal to me until I started keeping a journal a few years ago. And even then I didn't take it seriously. I merely chronicled my daily events. And then I started to write down my thoughts, those emotions and feelings that were once only relegated to my pillow right before I would go to sleep. And once I started writing everything down, it felt good. And then when I started getting positive feedback on some of my stuff, that made me feel even better. It also ignited a hope in me, a hope that maybe I'm decent at this writing thing.
And as I began to take it more seriously, I thought to myself, "Wow, you know, this is something I wouldn't mind doing professionally." And I began to think of all the great things I could do with a pen and paper. And my secret dream is to become a novelist. I also wouldn't mind being a writer for a television program. The only problem with that is I'm not creative enough. It's the same problem I have with my art. I feel like if someone tells me what to draw or what to write about, I can do it just fine, but when I'm left to my own devices I can't seem to come up with anything on my own. And this seems to totally contradict the very nature of an artist. It seems that true writers and artists reject such restrictions. True artists and writers want complete freedom to create their own works, to reach inside of themselves and pull out whatever has been lying dormant for so long to not only release all that emotional angst but to create a highly original and beautiful piece of work. I'm just not like that. I'm lacking the motivation and the creativity. And because of that, I feel stuck. How can I pursue a career as I writer when I feel so uninspired, so unoriginal and uncreative? And besides, fiction is not my forte. I feel my best writing comes from the moments when I simply sit down and search my soul. And I just write what I find. But how can I make a career out of that? Am I supposed to just sit around all of my life and wait for a series of epiphanies to pop up so I can write them down and cash another check? What if the epiphanies stop coming? What if I reach a standstill in my self analysis? What if there's no more of me to discover? And really, how many people are gonna be super psyched to read yet another book about me? I'm sure one memoir would be enough for everyone.
Sometimes I get bored and like to go through people's random diaries to hopefully find something intriguing to take up my time for a while. I hate to say this, but more times than not I spend the majority of my time trying to find an interesting diary to read instead of spending that time actually reading something good. So, when I do find a good diary, it's a treat, a golden nugget in a sea of senseless words.
And it seems I don't come across good ones very often, but when I do, they are amazing, so amazing, in fact, that it makes me question the quality of my own writing. These people are so amazing and so on point with everything they write. Each entry is a new revelation and it's beyond my comprehension as to how they can come up with all these amazing commentaries on life and love and the human condition. Reading these incredible diaries spurs two reactions within me. First, I enjoy reading these entries 'cause it makes me feel like there's actually people out there who think and feel. Secondly, it makes me feel like my writing is crap, which just reinforces the idea that I already had that I'm just not good enough to take it as seriously as I would like to.
I understand there are varying degrees of talent out there. I understand you don't have to be the best of the best to be published or to have a hit animated television show, but at the same time, it does require a great deal of that talent stuff. And I feel I just don't possess it. And although you don't have to be the best, you at least have to be better than the other guy if you wanna get hired. And I'm the other guy. And sometimes I wonder why I even bother when I don't feel I'm even good enough to win against someone else, when I'm not even confident to think I could be as good as any of my classmates.
I don't know if I want to be an animator anymore. I would like to be a writer but I just feel I don't have the kind of imagination it takes. This leaves me very stuck. All I do know for sure is that I have a passion, a passion for what I'm not sure, but for something creative and something inspiring. I wanna bring laughs and entertainment to the world and at the same time I want to bring out a means for reflection. I wanna get people to think. I want to reach people. I just don't know how to extend my hand. I don't know how to get to everyone. I'm confused and I'm frustrated and I just wanna know where I belong in the great wide plan to save the planet.
All I know is I just really, really want to.
What allows people to declare they are a writer? Does one have to be good or simply have a passion for writing? Is the word "writer" used too loosely today or can the word be applicable to anyone who enjoys the craft? I suppose it all has to do with what people's definition of writer is. Could a writer be someone who simply keeps a journal or diary of their daily activities or does writer have to be someone who goes beyond simply chronicling their lives? Does it have to involve imagination and fictional storytelling? Does it have to involve poetry? Does it have to be a profession for someone to say they are a writer, or can it be a hobby?
I guess what immediately comes to mind when I hear someone say they are a writer is "Oh, they must be good." And that's when I have a hard time calling myself a writer. I almost feel like I'm being pretentious or giving people an impression of a skill that I'm not entirely sure I possess. Heck, I don't even like calling myself an artist and I even know that I'm somewhat talented in drawing and painting. It seems there's just some sort of block against me saying anything good about myself or even giving myself a bit of credit. I suppose it just seems weird for me to call myself an artist or a writer when there are people out there who are so much better than I am. Compared to those people, I feel I don't have the right to call myself these things. What have I contributed to the world of art to be privileged enough to place myself among them? Frankly, nothing! I mean, the things I've thought about or contemplated or written isn't anything a million other true writers haven't already covered and covered better than I have. I haven't written anything new or innovative.
And I suppose the reason why I'm even thinking about it is because I have really discovered over the past year or so that I truly enjoy writing. It has become a part of who I am. I identify with writing. I love the process. I love the feeling I get when I put something down and then read back over it and I can feel proud of what I did. I can also recognize when I'm not very good but at times it doesn't matter 'cause I never said I was a professional. I'm an amateur at best. Writing is actually something I stumbled upon by accident. I've never even considered writing to be a big deal to me until I started keeping a journal a few years ago. And even then I didn't take it seriously. I merely chronicled my daily events. And then I started to write down my thoughts, those emotions and feelings that were once only relegated to my pillow right before I would go to sleep. And once I started writing everything down, it felt good. And then when I started getting positive feedback on some of my stuff, that made me feel even better. It also ignited a hope in me, a hope that maybe I'm decent at this writing thing.
And as I began to take it more seriously, I thought to myself, "Wow, you know, this is something I wouldn't mind doing professionally." And I began to think of all the great things I could do with a pen and paper. And my secret dream is to become a novelist. I also wouldn't mind being a writer for a television program. The only problem with that is I'm not creative enough. It's the same problem I have with my art. I feel like if someone tells me what to draw or what to write about, I can do it just fine, but when I'm left to my own devices I can't seem to come up with anything on my own. And this seems to totally contradict the very nature of an artist. It seems that true writers and artists reject such restrictions. True artists and writers want complete freedom to create their own works, to reach inside of themselves and pull out whatever has been lying dormant for so long to not only release all that emotional angst but to create a highly original and beautiful piece of work. I'm just not like that. I'm lacking the motivation and the creativity. And because of that, I feel stuck. How can I pursue a career as I writer when I feel so uninspired, so unoriginal and uncreative? And besides, fiction is not my forte. I feel my best writing comes from the moments when I simply sit down and search my soul. And I just write what I find. But how can I make a career out of that? Am I supposed to just sit around all of my life and wait for a series of epiphanies to pop up so I can write them down and cash another check? What if the epiphanies stop coming? What if I reach a standstill in my self analysis? What if there's no more of me to discover? And really, how many people are gonna be super psyched to read yet another book about me? I'm sure one memoir would be enough for everyone.
Sometimes I get bored and like to go through people's random diaries to hopefully find something intriguing to take up my time for a while. I hate to say this, but more times than not I spend the majority of my time trying to find an interesting diary to read instead of spending that time actually reading something good. So, when I do find a good diary, it's a treat, a golden nugget in a sea of senseless words.
And it seems I don't come across good ones very often, but when I do, they are amazing, so amazing, in fact, that it makes me question the quality of my own writing. These people are so amazing and so on point with everything they write. Each entry is a new revelation and it's beyond my comprehension as to how they can come up with all these amazing commentaries on life and love and the human condition. Reading these incredible diaries spurs two reactions within me. First, I enjoy reading these entries 'cause it makes me feel like there's actually people out there who think and feel. Secondly, it makes me feel like my writing is crap, which just reinforces the idea that I already had that I'm just not good enough to take it as seriously as I would like to.
I understand there are varying degrees of talent out there. I understand you don't have to be the best of the best to be published or to have a hit animated television show, but at the same time, it does require a great deal of that talent stuff. And I feel I just don't possess it. And although you don't have to be the best, you at least have to be better than the other guy if you wanna get hired. And I'm the other guy. And sometimes I wonder why I even bother when I don't feel I'm even good enough to win against someone else, when I'm not even confident to think I could be as good as any of my classmates.
I don't know if I want to be an animator anymore. I would like to be a writer but I just feel I don't have the kind of imagination it takes. This leaves me very stuck. All I do know for sure is that I have a passion, a passion for what I'm not sure, but for something creative and something inspiring. I wanna bring laughs and entertainment to the world and at the same time I want to bring out a means for reflection. I wanna get people to think. I want to reach people. I just don't know how to extend my hand. I don't know how to get to everyone. I'm confused and I'm frustrated and I just wanna know where I belong in the great wide plan to save the planet.
All I know is I just really, really want to.
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