Ret(d)reading

This job thing is getting kind of funny.  Funny as in annoying like a giganto hemorrhoid. 

After the Birmingham debacle where I realized the job/apartment/real life thing wasn't going to happen and that my sister was as bitter as a used tampon, I gave up on that dream and set my sights on local work.  When I went to see the ladies from my old job to pick up my book, I casually mentioned that I was looking all over for work with no luck and jokingly said, "Hey, you guys aren't hiring, are ya?" with a bit of a chuckle in my delivery.  Naturally, they weren't.  In fact, my old boss said they had just laid some people off the week before.  Besides, my job was a temporary one that they had never even done before.  They had gotten behind on their work, which isn't surprising because of the chatter that goes on around there and so I was basically just hired to take care of the little things they had no time for while they handled the major responsibilities.  Eh, it was worth a shot.

So, a few days ago I took a trip into the dreaded JCPenney and groveled for a job.  I worked there several years ago and hated it.  Well, maybe hate is too strong of a word.  The work was a breeze but my coworkers sucked.  After two years, I was just tired of all the backstabbing and b.s. that ran amok in that establishment.  That's when I took the temporary job described above.  The good thing was my manager loved me and I left on good terms.  When she left, she told me if she ever had any openings she'd hire me in a second.  See, this is what I'm talking about.  I am a good worker!  I can do any job (within reason) that people give me as long as I'm properly shown how to do it.  That's why it's so frustrating when I apply and apply and never hear anything back, and even worse, when I go in for an interview and they don't pick up on my glowing personality or willingness to go the extra mile to do a great job.  Then again, I suppose I know I can work hard but they can't get that from a resume or from just an interview.  Seeing is believing but it's hard to see something when you won't give a brotha a chance, son!

While working at the bingo facility, I realized that JCPenney wasn't that bad at all.  I got to dress up and wear a tie and look nice and basically fold shirts for four hours.  As long as I didn't have any pissy customers and no one was trying to sling their gossip at me, I was content.  Heck, there were some days I even had small windows of time in which I could write poetry (thanks to the extra rolls of receipt paper and a multitude of extra pens lying around).  I tried to remember why I disliked it so much in the first place but couldn't remember any solid reasons.  I suppose working in a chimney facsimile and having to scrape ashtrays really puts things into perspective.

Well, the groveling paid off.  My former (and soon to be current again) supervisor said she had a position but it was part-time and wouldn't be too many hours.  I told her that was okay because few hours were better than none and maybe on down the road more hours would open up for me.  First, I had to take the stupid online job assessment test that almost all jobs make you do nowadays.  During Christmas time last year, I had applied to be a temporary replenishment person there just for the holidays.  I had to take the assessment test and failed, although I had previously worked there for two years and was well qualified for the job.  That's what ticks me off and probably why I didn't get a call back from a lot of potential employers in Birmingham.  Those stupid tests.  First of all, they are dumb.  How about asking me those questions during an interview so I can explain myself?  A lot of the answers they gave you to choose from were black and white while the questions did not have a black and white answer.  Many of the questions were also worded so poorly that no answer would ever be appropriate enough.  I told this to my manager and asked her to help me out with the assessment test this time around so I wouldn't fail again.  She did and after it was over she agreed that the questions were lame.  She was a department manager that had been there well over twenty years and even she didn't know the answer to some of their questions.  I felt validated.

But, with her help I passed and she even said she would put in for me to make the highest salary available, which I thought was really awesome of her.  Actually, she was one of the reasons I didn't like working there.  She's slightly cold and not easy to talk to or joke around with but I guess overall she was a nice lady (as evidenced by the salary raise).  She said I wouldn't be able to start until the beginning of the next month but I was fine with that.  It would give me time to process the fact that I was going to be working there again.  As I left the building, I had a sinking feeling.  All those negative memories of working there starting flooding back, yet, once again, with no real solid reason why that place sucked balls.  I'm sure all will be revealed in time.

But it doesn't stop there.... 

Wouldn't you know I got yet another out of the blue call from my former supervisor from the bingo facility.  They are planning on reopening again.  The company tried to pull this shizzle once before, which resulted in me totally dumping my diet due to a depression over having to return to that dump.  As soon as they said they were going to reopen, they didn't.  And here they are, trying it again, asking if I'm available.  "There's a good chance we'll be shut down again," he added.  Well, if the idea of going back to that smoke-filled clusterfudge of mullet-headed hillbillies and and old money grannies wasn't tantalizing enough, knowing the place will probably be shut down as soon as they open up really sweetens the pot for me.  All this after I just secured a new job.  After my former supervisor helped me fill out an application and pulled her weight to get me the highest salary within my position. 

timing timing timing.

If I want to think about it logically, the best choice would be to go back.  Forty hours.  Better pay.  Benefits.  But what's more vital to me at this point in my so-called-life?  Money or mental stability?  Sure, I might be earning more but what would I do with that extra cash but waste it on Sara Lee frozen cheesecakes and a glock to finish myself off.  No, maybe sacrificing buying material goods to clutter up my room with will be worth it if I can clear the rubbish from my head.  It's all so annoying but I'm going to try to deal with it the best I can.  Part-time work will probably be better for me anyway because I think I want to go back to school.  I will have to get a grant and/or scholarships to go to school because I certainly can't be adding on any more student loan debt but if I can afford school, I will be going back.  I actually kind of want to.  This whole real world experience isn't for me.  Not now, anyway.  I think I'd be much more comfortable sitting at a desk rather than sweeping up after a-hole gamblers.

It'll be real nice when I can find some employment stability.