As soon as I got into work, my manager asked me to stay all day instead of the three hours for the register training. Not wanting to make a bad impression on my first day back, I begrudgingly agreed. I'm starting to remember why I didn't like that place. No one is reliable. They believe in hiring a bunch of teenage jerk offs, the kind of kids who are only their because 1) their parents made them get a job 2) they need money to pay for their beer/weed 3) they have a toddler that was born in middle school to take care of. That means sick children and prom and graduation and "well, I just don't feel like coming in today" so someone is always calling in or having to change their schedule so they can be free for Friday night football. Which means my schedule is messed up because I'm always the first one they call when someone else calls in.
Let me just say, this is actually a good thing. It means they know I'm reliable. They know I'll do a good job when I come to work. They know that I need the hours. It's a nice gesture. With that being said, I hate to have my schedule changed. Like, hate. Honestly, I don't care what schedule they give me. I'll work morning, evening, night. I'll work one day a week or seven days a week. I'll go with the flow as long as that is what I'm scheduled for. I can't tell you how many times I looked forward to my day off only to be called in. That really wrecks my mood. Now, if I was scheduled to work the next day, then that's great! I was meant to and I'm mentally prepared for it and it's gravy but when I'm mentally preparing myself for a day off and I'm thinking of all the wonderful things I can do and then someone calls and tells me I have to come into work, it really annoys me. I really don't like change, whether they are big or small changes.
At the end of my shift, my manager comes up to me and asks me to change my shift for the next day! Once again, I agreed.
During lunch, I went to the new McDonalds. The one in town was torn down to be rebuilt with two drive-thrus and one of those coffee bar deals. Because I only thought I'd be working three hours and didn't bring a lunch with me, that looked like the best option. Well, the line was long because the McDonalds had been shut down for a good while and I guess everyone else was missing those Mcdelectables. I noticed people looked confused as they went through the two lanes. People were braking and accelerating, not knowing when their turn to go was. I guess they don't handle change very well, either.
As I was waiting in line, I checked my voicemail. It was a call from an employment agency I applied with a few weeks ago. The lady said she had something going on in my town and wanted me to call her back. My heart swelled with the possibilities. And then I remembered I just accepted this job. I quickly thought of a scenario. If it was a regular Monday through Friday job, I could still work at JCP on the weekends. I'm sure all those snot-nosed a-hole teens would love to take the weekend off so they can fornicate and frolic. I'll work for them. I'm a loser and don't have dates with girls or parties to go to. It was pretty much perfect. And that extra weekend money would be a great help. Well, I called the lady back and get this. She didn't have any work for me. She wanted to know if I knew of anyone that wanted to do fiberglass work.
"I know you were interested in clerical," she said, "but I don't have anything right now with that. I'm still looking, don't worry. I haven't forgotten about you but this fiberglass is blowing up! I figured since you lived in that town you might know some people who wanted to do fiberglass!"
So, this tich calls me, not to help me find work, but to help her find work for other people!? Really? Really? My heart deflated.
Then I spilled my sweet tea all over my shirt and lap. They hadn't put the lid on very well and as I lifted the straw to my lips, liquid cold spread across my body. I grabbed a handful of napkins to absorb the liquid but those cheap, flimsy napkins started coming apart from the vigorous rubbing. Crap! I had to be back to work in just a few minutes! Would it dry in time? Would it leave a giant looking stain like I had wet myself? I haven't even met all my coworkers yet! What were they going to think of me and my stained and napkin lint-ridden clothing?
Fortunately, everything dried up and there was no noticeable stain. It was quite shocking, actually. The universe missed an opportunity to humiliate me. I'm sure I'll just get it worse next time around.
I then saw everyone I knew. A former coworker that used to work there when I first started five years ago came in and was like, "Dude, what are you still doing here?" Embarrassed, I explained to him that I had in fact left for a few years to attend college. I then said, "Look how well that worked out!" I wanted to crawl into the giant bin that holds all the plastic hangers. I then saw old classmates, which was great. "Hey, yeah, went to college and now I'm back here! Things are going great. I'm pathetic and thanks for shopping with us today!"
And old customers are the wooooorst. So far I've encountered the old-lady-who-buys pants-for-her-male-relative-even-though-she-doesn't-know-what-size-he-is-or-what-style-he-likes type of customer. She had me running around the store looking for acceptable alternatives to Dickie pants. She then asked the same questions over and over again. That was yesterday. And wouldn't you know she came back this morning, bright and early, to annoy me again. The pants didn't work out. "These are a gift," she tells me. She can't simply order some Dickie pants from our website because his birthday is in two days and they won't arrive in time. Hm, how about instead of purchasing him some irregular looking pants that he probably won't like anyway, why not opt for something more practical like a shaving kit or socks or a prostitute. Something he can use that's one-size-fits-all (hehe). Then, today, I encountered the old-racist type of customer. He was looking at suits and asked me where the suits were created. "You thank the Japs made these?" I'm sure tomorrow I'll encounter the old-man-who-doesn't-talk-back-when-you-speak-to-him and the old-man-who-throws-his-money/credit card-at-you.
I forgot to mention that because the schedule was changed both days, I had to work by myself both days. I was originally scheduled to work with someone so they could help me familiarize myself with the registers, which are, by the way, new registers that they got after I left. So, it's literally like I'm starting over. Some of the procedures are familiar and coming back to me but some things are done differently now, which I think almost makes it harder for me because I have to unlearn the old procedures and learn the new ones. My manger was around when I needed help but I would have preferred someone to be with me at all times. Obviously, I'm a very insecure person with absolutely no confidence in my ability to run a register, interact with a customer or even make correct change.
I know it's all so ridiculous and I did it for two years with no problems but I just feel a lot has changed in five years. I've become way more introverted, way more cynical and, frankly, way more dumb. And I feel my manger was way too much faith that I'll just kind of pick up right where I left off. That's the bad thing about being such an exceptional employee. People expect a lot from you. And that's a lot of pressure to live up to those expectations. Or I suppose that's a lot of unnecessary pressure that I'm putting on myself. And when I say exceptional employee, I'm not bragging. I really was one of the best employees they had and that's not because I was just so fantastic. It all goes back to what I was mentioning earlier. Everyone else just sucked, therefore making my mediocre abilities really shine. I was the rare breed of teenager that followed the rules and did what I was supposed to.
And now I'm the not-so-rare breed of old man stuck in a crummy job in a crummy economy with a crummy outlook on life. It's been a turbulent two days already and I'm exhausted. To make myself feel better, I think I'm going to have to spend part of my first paycheck on True Blood: Season 2!! After waiting forever, it's finally out. Netflix won't have it for another month because of some stupid agreement they have not to release certain titles until thirty days after they've released everywhere else and frankly, I'm just not that patient to wait another month to see creatures of the night suck blood and ladies of the night sucking...well, other things. Softcore vampire porn FTW.
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