work boyfriend

"I'd photocopy all the things that we could be
If you took the time to notice me
But you can't now, I don't blame you
And it's not your fault that no one ever does..."
-My Chemical Romance, Cubicles

I think I've finally figured out the relationship I have with her.

I'm her work boyfriend.

I don't know why I didn't figure it out before.  It's so simple and makes so much sense.

She has her boyfriend when she's away from work.  He's the real deal, a guy she's actually attracted to who she can hug and kiss and cuddle and whatever else they do.  He's the one that matters, the one she gives herself to, the one she has formed bonds of affection and dareIsay love with and I'm just that other guy.

To her, I'm just safe.  She can go to work and when I'm there, she knows she can laugh and she has someone to talk to who shares similar interests and the same sense of humor and lack of tolerance for annoying people.  There's only two other guys that regularly work with us and she doesn't like one and the other one is disaffected so that really only leaves me as the only semi-decent male energy.

But isn't that all she is to me, too?  She's the only positive female energy I can find, the only one I have the most in common with and the only one that is on my level as far as education and lifestyle.  She's just a good time, someone to converse with to distract me from my depressing job.  And she's the prettiest.

Although I'm pretty sure it's strictly platonic with her, I do sometimes wonder if she sees more in me.  I often wonder if she'd pursue anything if she wasn't involved with the other guy.  She told me a couple of times she wasn't sure if it would work out due to some of the circumstances in his life but nearly eight months later, they're still together so I guess it's not all that bad.  Unless she's just chosen to ignore those certain aspects of his life but they can't be ignored indefinitely.

It's all good.  I'm her work boyfriend and I'd hope I'm also her friend outside of work but if not, that's fine.  I've been left behind by too many girls when class ended or when they left their jobs and it's always hurt more than it probably should have and so I just try to keep things light and breezy, enjoy them while they are around and move on when they do.